I'm sorry that I've mistreated you lately.
It's so easy to blame the Food Network for running all the best shows so late at night, causing you to stay up until 2 and not get enough sleep.
It's also easy to blame others for going out and eating, only to come home to more food that you're expected to finish.
On top of that, I've been blaming the wretched heat for making you roll around and rest all day long. With no exercise.
I promise to be more committed to your needs.
I will fill you up with more nutritional foods and water, and let you rest up for glamorous things in the days ahead.
I will take better care of your skin morning and night, and I will exercise your booty back to Healthsville (not forgetting to give you a rest every so often).
You have my word,
Stilettos at the Dinner Table